I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
