Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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