If i come over, it means nothing
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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