Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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