11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
