Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The Olympian is in my bed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
