Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
