hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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