Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
