We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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