His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
