guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
