she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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