I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
