I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
