also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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