Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
