So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
how drunk are you?
Several
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
