my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
