I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
