I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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