I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
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