you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
