Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
