Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
