I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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