Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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