Cold hands, warm shart.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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