Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
