yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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