The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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