some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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