It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
