What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
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People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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