The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dignity is for republicans.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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