It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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