Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
