a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
