I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
organizing the empties. That sober.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
