At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
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I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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