i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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