Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
