my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
