yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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