I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize