we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
