Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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