im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
