when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
