What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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