I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
They are going to name an STD after you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
