He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
