i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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