his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
