He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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