Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
