does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize