Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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