Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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