Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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