After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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