You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
