New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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