All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
