and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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