I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
