nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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