i permit you to call me
I think I died a long time ago.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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