On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
