dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So much rum. So many feels.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
