I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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