He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
