I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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