Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
