I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
