We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
