It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
